


Who You Used To Be

by spinningthreads



Category: Ultraman Gaia, ウルトラマンコスモス | Ultraman Cosmos
Genre: Brainwashing, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-10-31 18:20:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17854739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spinningthreads/pseuds/spinningthreads
Summary: Gamu is the scientist on Team EYES. Unfortunately for him, his boyfriend got himself an Ultraman and then possessed by the Chaos Head Virus. His life sucks.Set around episode 30 of Cosmos.





	1. When Light Fails

Gamu paced back and forth in his room, phone to his ear waiting for it to connect. His jaw was set and the fingers on his free hand tapped against his arm. _Pick up, already,_ he thought. _I know you can hear the phone._ Katsumi was never without one, after all, not considering the nature of his job. If he was still working it.

After what felt like an interminable amount of time, there was a quiet click as Katsumi finally deigned to answer the call. "Hey, Gamu," he said cheerfully. And well he might: Cosmos was gone and only Nova remained, at least for now. He certainly had reason to think he'd won and he sounded as satisfied as anyone would expect. "Long time no see. Been busy lately?"

"You know how busy I've been," he replied calmly, determined not to let this conversation follow the example of previous ones and let Katsumi - or what was left of Katsumi - get to him. "Considering it's your work."

"Not all of it." His boyfriend sounded completely unconcerned and Gamu felt his jaw twitch; even with them being in two different places he could all but _see_ the equally unconcerned shrug Katsumi would be doing.

"Today was," he said certainly. The chaos head infected monster had been masquerading as Eligal, the only monster Cosmos had been unable to save, that showed planning and an understanding of how Cosmos would react. No simple monster infected by the virus would come up with such a plan, that kind of cunning was something that only a more advanced mind could come up with. "You were manipulating everything."

But still, this kind of manipulation was not like Katsumi. While Katsumi was absolutely capable of coming up with intricate, complicated plans - his twentieth birthday came to mind - they usually made use of misdirection rather than flat out manipulation and this was out of character for him. Even with his mind being warped by the Chaos Head virus Gamu could usually recognise the logic behind whatever it was Katsumi was doing, this time though he couldn't see anything of Katsumi in the plan. That wasn't a good sign and he was desperately afraid that Nova was bleeding through more and more.

"That's such a harsh word, Gamu," Katsumi chided. "'Manipulation.' It's not very polite."

"You're not exactly being polite yourself," he replied curtly and Katsumi laughed.

"I suppose not."

"What now?" he wanted to know. "What are you going to do now?"

"Do you really think I'm going to tell you?" Katsumi sounded amused and Gamu could easily picture him lounging against the wall in his apartment, head tilted back so it was touching the brickwork. "Naive as always, Gamu."

" _Katsumi._ "

"Come see me, Gamu," Katsumi said abruptly. "It's been a while, we should catch up. You know where I'll be." And with that said he hung up, the line going dead and leaving him with the disconnected beeping echoing in his ear. Anger at the arrogant assumption that he would just comply without question surged through Gamu before he got it under control. Because of course, Katsumi was right, as usual. If Gamu wanted answers he would have to show up and play along with the rules to whatever game he or Nova had cooked up this time.

Taking a deep breath, Gamu stripped out of his uniform and changed into some of his off duty clothes: since his possession by Nova Katsumi been pissy about seeing him in uniform and that had only intensified the longer he and Nova remained bonded. If he could, Gamu thought, he would break the bond between Katsumi and the renegade Ultra and see if that got him his Katsumi back, free and back to himself.

He nodded briefly at Fubuki as he headed out and he started in surprise as the other man grabbed his arm as he passed. "You're going out?" Fubuki asked, eyebrows drawing together forbiddingly and Gamu sighed, removing Fubuki's hand with relative ease seeing as the other man wasn't trying to seriously hold him.

"I have something I need to do."

"Musashi's still in the infirmary, you know."

"This isn't a pleasure trip!" he retorted, glaring at his teammate and taking a small, perverse sense of satisfaction at the surprise on Fubuki's face. "If I didn't have to do this, I wouldn't. I'll be back later, Fubuki-san, I'll see you then."

And with that said he headed off down the corridor, making his way reluctantly off the base. He knew where Katsumi would be, just outside the airport where he could see all the planes, whether they were coming in to land or whether they were taking off. Katsumi had always loved planes and it was still surprising to him that Katsumi had never tried joining up so he could fly. But that was beside the point. The point was that Katsumi was no longer himself and he shouldn't let himself be lulled by the things that were still the same. 

Katsumi was waiting in the usual place, not making any attempt to hide. And why would he? He clearly didn't view Gamu as a threat and even Gamu himself wasn't sure he could be one, even without the extra abilities Katsumi had that come with being infected with the Chaos Head virus, not when simply seeing that familiar face still made his heart beat faster and he could momentarily forget that his boyfriend was currently possessed by something evil. He should stop thinking that way, he knew. It would be easier for him if he could stop thinking of Katsumi as his boyfriend, as someone he loved, but he couldn't and he knew it. Katsumi knew it too, which was why he'd known Gamu would come here in spite of everything.

Katsumi straightened up from his lounge against the wall as he approached, a smile lighting up his face and Gamu had to forcibly remind himself that that wasn't Katsumi anymore, not entirely, and he couldn't react as if it was.

"Hey, Gamu," Katsumi greeted, eyes flickering over him assessingly and Gamu wasn't sure if he was relieved or not to see Katsumi's eyes were his own dark brown ones instead of the field of stars that meant something else was in control, whether it was Nova or the Chaos Head virus. "Ditched the uniform, I see. That's good, you look better without it."

Gamu shrugged and folded his arms across his chest. "Considering the temper tantrum you threw the last time I wore it I thought I'd try to avoid it this time."

Katsumi looked offended. "I did not throw a temper tantrum."

"You did," Gamu assured him. 

"I did not."

"You did."

"Did not."

"You did."

"Did no-- Oh forget it, whatever, it's not important."

"Then why are you arguing about it?"

"Because _you're_ arguing about it."

"I am _not_ \--" Gamu broke off abruptly before they could descend into another round of 'are not' 'are too'. They weren't children and now was not the time to indulge in childish arguments. "Why did you call me out here?"

"Do I need a reason to want to see you?" Katsumi asked, his eyebrows rising slightly. "Maybe I just wanted to talk to you face to face instead of over the phone. And by the way, you were the one who called me, not the other way around."

"Before, no," Gamu agreed, ignoring the jab there at the end. "But things are different now. You're not the same person you were, Katsumi."

He couldn't describe the expression that flashed across Katsumi's face, although 'hurt' was certainly part of it as was 'annoyance'. "I'm the same as I always was," Katsumi retorted. "Just... better than before."

"You're not _better_ ," Gamu spat. "I can't even recognise you in the things you were doing today. You're not the same and you're not better. You can't even see how the virus has warped you."

Katsumi moved faster than he could blink and Gamu found himself spun unceremoniously into the wall, his back slamming into it hard and knocking the wind out of him. "I am not warped," Katsumi hissed, getting right up in Gamu's personal space. "If you can't see how I've evolved then you're not as smart as I thought you were."

Much to Gamu's dismay Katsumi's eyes were starting to glow, the multi-coloured pinpricks of light that meant he was losing the fight against the Chaos Head virus. His hands clenched tightly in Gamu's shirt and his head dipped for a moment, his eyes squeezing shut tightly. When he opened them again they were back to a solid deep brown and Gamu let out a soft breath of relief. In spite of his words Katsumi was still in there, still fighting and that, more than anything else, gave him hope.

"Look," Katsumi said softly, his grip softening a little as he met Gamu's eyes, "let's not get into this right now, okay? I don't want to fight about this with you."

Gamu felt his shoulders slump. "I don't want to fight either," he admitted, closing his eyes as Katsumi rested his head against his own, his right hand coming up to cup the side of his face. It was so achingly familiar and Gamu wanted to let go, to give in to the touch like he would have six months ago, and even knowing what he did he was still so close to doing just that.

"We don't have to," Katsumi said softly and Gamu's eyes flew open in shock. "Come with me, Gamu," he continued, thumb brushing over his cheek. "Cosmos is gone and Haruno can't do anything without him. If you stay with EYES you're just going to get hurt."

A chill ran down Gamu's spine and he turned his face away to the side so that Katsumi couldn't continue that distracting caress. "I can't do that," he said quietly. "And you know it."

"Why not?" It was a serious question, not a demand, and if anything that just made things worse. Katsumi being an arrogant idiot would have given him a good dose of irritation to cling to but the genuine query left him with little to hold onto in the face of Katsumi's persuasion bid.

"Because," he said unevenly, forcing the words out with difficulty. "If I go with you I can't help you." Without the resources of EYES he would find it much harder to find a cure for the virus affecting his boyfriend and that was unacceptable.

"You could," Katsumi insisted, cupping his face again to get Gamu looking back at him. "You could help so much. Come on, Gamu, do you think I've enjoyed fighting you? This is our chance to fix that. You and me together again, just like we're supposed to be. Doesn't that sound good to you?"

The emotions running through him were like a punch to the gut, it was that hard to breathe through them. It was so tempting, he thought. Maybe if he was around Katsumi more often then he could counter the influence of whatever was controlling him. And he could always carry on working on the anti-virus even if it would be harder with less resources.

But even if he did, his teammates would still be fighting against the monsters being launched against them and without his help they'd struggle more and get hurt more often. And if not them then it would be the regular people of Japan that paid the price whenever Katsumi unleashed another infected monster on them, because it would take time to get him to stop doing that even if he was with him all the time.

Katsumi's lips pressed lightly against his own and Gamu whimpered into the kiss, his arms coming up to circle Katsumi's neck, fingers linking together at the back of Katsumi's head. The kiss deepened and his head spun with the heady feeling that always came with Katsumi's kisses. It was so familiar and so right and he never wanted the moment to end.

"I can't," he repeated, his voice barely above a whisper, his eyes closing against both the tears and the expression on Katsumi's face that would only make him want to give in. "I'm sorry, Katsumi, but I can't." Katsumi pulled away and the temperature plummetted both metaphorically and literally, the sudden chill of apprehension adding to the loss of his body heat leaving Gamu feeling icy cold.

"You're choosing EYES over me," Katsumi said flatly and Gamu shook his head hurriedly.

"No. But--"

"No," Katsumi agreed and now his eyes were full of lights twinkling against the darkness of his irises, the Chaos Head virus rearing its head. "You're not choosing them over me. I won't let you." 

He cupped Gamu's face again, leaning in to resume the kiss from before only this time Gamu could feel something else in the kiss, something alien trying to force its way in and he struggled against Katsumi as he began infecting him with the Chaos Head virus. He didn't have much luck in his efforts to break free and he only wished he could say that there wasn't part of him that wanted to give in. "Mine," Katsumi breathed, resting his head against Gamu's again. "All mine, Gamu. They can't have you."

Gamu's head was swimming and he felt his knees give way, Katsumi letting go of his face to support the rest of him.

"It's okay, Gamu," he said softly as Gamu clung to him, fighting against the dizziness and nausea. "It'll be over soon and then everything will be the way it's supposed to be, you'll see."

Gamu shook his head, triggering another wave of dizziness that left him whimpering. Leaving an arm around his waist, Katsumi stroked his hair gently, soothing him through the assault the Chaos Head virus was unleashing on him.

A sharp sizzling hiss zinged through the air and Gamu stumbled as Katsumi whipped around. " _No_ ," Katsumi hissed. "Not now, not when I'm so close. They can't have you, Gamu, I won't let them."

Gamu lifted his head with some effort but all he could make out was a wavering figure in an EYES uniform. One that was talking but the words wouldn't rearrange themselves in his head in any way that made sense.

"You're too late," Katsumi was saying. "He's mine now, EYES, you can't have him back."

He didn't know what happened next but something obviously did because Katsumi was forced to let go and Gamu dropped to the floor, face first as he was unable to muster enough concentration to fall properly. For a while, nothing seemed to change and then he heard Katsumi's voice coming from what sounded like quite a distance away. "I'll come for you," he promised. "I won't leave you with them, Gamu, don't worry."

He wasn't but he couldn't find the words to articulate that and then someone else was touching him, someone who wasn't Katsumi. He was gently rolled onto his back and now that they were closer he dimly recognised the figure as Fubuki. "Fubuki...-san," he managed. "What--?"

"Don't move," Fubuki told him, resting a hand on his forehead as if he were checking his temperature. "You're going to be fine, Gamu, okay? But you need to fight the virus for us, alright? Don't let it beat you."

"'kay." He wasn't sure how coherent he was but Fubuki patted the side of his face gently.

"Stay with me, kiddo," he said, his image wavering again in a haze of sparkling lights, his voice seeming to come from far away. "There's medics on the way. You have to hang in there, Gamu, come on."

He wanted to but it was hard, more so because part of him _didn't_ , the part of him that wanted to surrender and go with Katsumi and have everything be the way it had been. His eyes slid shut and he distantly heard Fubuki swearing before the swirling lights claimed him.


	2. And Darkness Falls

When Musashi woke up it was to three unpleasant pieces of news and realisations. First, he still couldn't sense Cosmos or hear his voice and that was definitely not good. Cosmos had been so worn out and depleted that the silence was worrying. Secondly, in Cosmos' absence the Defence Forces were trying to take charge of fighting monsters - or this one at least - seeing as Cosmos wasn't around to keep them in check. And thirdly, Gamu was in their medical facilities fighting against the Chaos Head virus he'd been infected with. The last made his heart sink almost as much as the first: Gamu didn't have any defences against the virus like he did - had? - and much as he hated it he was afraid Gamu was going to lose that fight.

He got out of bed, determined that he was going to _fix this_. All he had to do was get Cosmos back and everything would be sorted. The Defence Forces would back off again and if Gamu had lost the battle by then Cosmos could always heal him and get him back to normal. All he needed were a few pieces of equipment and then he could go find Cosmos.

***

Fubuki resettled himself in the seat outside the MRC's isolation room. He could see Gamu through the glass and he worried at the skin around his thumbnail in concern. Gamu wasn't doing so well in there, that much was obvious, even though he was fighting as much as he could. He sighed in exasperation, both at the situation and at himself. If he'd just got there faster then this might not be happening, but he was also frustrated because he couldn't figure out what had possessed Gamu to go and meet the guy in the first place. What was the connection between him and Nova's human host and why hadn't Gamu said anything about it? 

He snorted wryly, who was he kidding? He was pretty sure he knew the answer to those questions, both why Gamu had never said anything and why he'd gone to see Nova in the first place. He'd left it out of his report but he was pretty sure there'd been kissing involved before Gamu had collapsed and Nova had certainly been determined to keep him away from Gamu before having to retreat. They'd been dating and now that Cosmos was out of the way Nova's host was coming for his boyfriend. Shit.

"You should have said something," he told his teammate with a sigh. "We could have helped." And if they'd known about Gamu's dating Nova's host then they could have prevented this from happening.

A loud thudding sound outside had him turning in his seat, just before the room wobbled. _Earthquake?_ he thought before almost immediately realising that wasn't the case. He bolted towards the window and cursed under his breath when he realised he was right. Nova was striding towards the medical centre, the ground shaking with every step, and he could only be here for one reason: Gamu. Shit.

He turned and headed towards the isolation room, stumbling as the room shook under the impact of Nova's steps. He had to get Gamu out of here before Nova could take him. He stumbled as the floor shook again sending him crashing into the wall and when he righted himself it was to find, with some relief, Gamu sitting up in bed. When had that happened?

"Gamu!" he shouted in relief. "Come on, we need to get out of here."

At first he thought Gamu hadn't heard him, then his teammate turned his head to look at him and Fubuki's heart dropped like a stone. Gone were Gamu's usual brown eyes, replaced with the glowing lights of one possessed by the Chaos Head virus. Oh crap. "No," he breathed, anguish twisting in his chest. " _No._ " This was his fault, if he'd just gotten there sooner...

Gamu got off the bed and headed for the door, opening it with ease. Of course it wasn't locked, Fubuki groaned. The doctor was an _idiot_ sometimes. As Gamu emerged from the isolation room Fubuki waited to see which direction he was going in before placing himself squarely between his teammate and the window.

"Move aside, Fubuki-san," Gamu told him and it was disconcerting the way Gamu still sounded exactly like himself, honorifics and all.

"Sorry," he replied, not sounding all that sorry even to his own ears. "But I can't let you do it, Gamu."

The unnerving eyes bored into him as Gamu regarded him with disdain. "This is not your concern. Move. Before I move you."

"You're gonna have to move me," Fubuki told him firmly. "Because I'm not budging otherwise. I can't let you go with him."

He didn't think it was possible but Gamu's expression went even colder as he strode forward. Fubuki braced himself, ready for the inevitable attempt at displacing him but he wasn't prepared for the sheer force Gamu could now bring to bear and he hit the floor hard, just about managing to turn the fall into a roll. By the time he was back on his feet Gamu was standing at the window, staring out at the approaching Nova and Fubuki launched himself foward, tackling Gamu to the floor.

"Not happening, Gamu," he told him grimly. "You'll thank me later, believe me, even if you hate me for it right now."

"Get _off_ me," Gamu snarled and Fubuki clenched his teeth.

"No can do," he replied, pressing Gamu's head to the floor with one hand while holding the rest of him down by the simple expedient of lying on top of him, making sure his arms weren't free to lever himself up with. "Stay down, Gamu."

Gamu, however, wasn't about to co-operate, struggling underneath him in his efforts to dislodge him and even with his arms pinned Fubuki was finding it difficult to stay on top of him. A loud smash made him jump and he yelled in pain as glass shards from the window hit him as Nova punched his way in. Reflexively rolling into a defensive ball, he tried to pull Gamu back down but his teammate was just out of reach, walking over to Nova's waiting hand, climbing up onto the open palm. Nova's hand closed gently around him before withdrawing from the wreckage of the room. 

Staggering to his feet, Fubuki stumbled over to the window, wishing he had his blaster with him instead of leaving it with security when he came in. He watched helplessly as Nova lifted his hand to his face and uncurled his palm to look down at his willing captive. Fubuki couldn't read that immobile face anymore than he could read Cosmos but he thought Nova was satisfied. And why wouldn't he be, he thought bitterly. Cosmos was gone so there was no one to oppose Nova anymore and now Nova's human host had what he wanted as well: Gamu on his side.

He pounded a fist against the window sill as Nova took off, disappearing into the sky and heading for who knew where, taking Gamu with him.


	3. Hope Returning

"Do you recognise this guy?" Fubuki handed the photo over to Gamu's friends. They knew Gamu better than anyone else on the EYES team, if Nova's host was someone Gamu knew, they were more likely to know him than anyone else. 

"Pass it over." The one who answered to 'Makoto' held out a hand for the photo and the other two crowded around him to get a look.

"Ah, Kajio-kun," one of them said, while Makoto and the other guy who's name he hadn't caught nodded in agreement.

"Kajio Katsumi," Makoto completed. "Gamu's boyfriend." He broke off suddenly, giving Fubuki and Musashi a nervous look. "I probably shouldn't have mentioned that part," he muttered, looking at the ground for a moment before lifting his head and giving them a defiant look. "This had better not make trouble for Gamu."

"It won't," Musashi told him reassuringly as Fubuki shrugged. The revelation wasn't particularly news to him, not since he'd witnessed first hand how Nova - Kajio - had infected Gamu in the first place and how possessive he'd proved in the meantime, but confirmation was good to have.

"What's he like?" he asked, butting in over Musashi's earnest explanation of how little EYES would care about who Gamu was sleeping with. "This Kajio guy, I mean."

"He's a good guy," Makoto replied, watching him carefully. "He's got a good head for numbers even though he would never admit it. From what Gamu's said he would have made a good engineer if he hadn't wanted to fly more. He never really got the chance to do either, though, but Gamu wouldn't say why."

"Kinda pissy."

"Sarcastic, Sato," the third friend corrected. "He's definitely got a sharp tongue if you cross him. Why do you want to know? We haven't really seen him since Gamu joined EYES."

"Thank you," Fubuki said blandly, nodding at Musashi to get them moving again. "You've been helpful."

"Something happened, didn't it?" Makoto said sharply, standing in the doorway with his arms folded. "To Kajio-kun or Gamu. Are they in trouble?"

Fubuki frowned and Makoto tensed. "They are, aren't they? Let us help."

"We'll let you know if you can," Musashi promised and Fubuki sighed, rolling his eyes. They really didn't need to get civilians involved in this, it was enough of a mess already.

"Boyfriend, huh," he said when they finally made it back to the car. 

"That explains a lot," Musashi agreed, leaning back in his seat with a faint frown on his face. "I guess it also means it's not going to be easy getting Gamu-san back from him."

"No," Fubuki nodded. "Not at all." In fact, it was probably going to be damn hard.

 

Fubuki stared at Gamu in horror. His teammate was watching the destruction he'd caused with the air of one who'd found the display a mildly interesting experiment and Fubuki had no doubt that Gamu was recording all the results in that memory of his, ready to be reproduced at will at a later date. It hurt to see the way Gamu and his love of science had been twisted this way, his joy in discovery warped into cool calculation and Fubuki had no idea how they were going to turn him back.

He wasn't the only one staring, however. Nova's host, Kajio Katsumi, was also staring at Gamu with the same horror on his face that Fubuki was feeling and perversely that just made him angrier. "Are you happy now?" he demanded and Kajio slowly turned his head to stare at him, seeming bewildered by his presence. "You did this to him," Fubuki continued, feeling a vicious satisfaction at the stricken expression that flashed across the other man's face. "You don't look too happy about getting what you wanted."

Kajio flinched, returning his attention to Gamu. "It wasn't supposed to be like this," he said quietly. "He wasn't supposed to be like this."

"You brainwashed him," Fubuki continued inexorably. "You brainwashed him and infected with him with the Chaos Head virus. What else did you think would happen?"

Kajio flinched again as the accusations flung at him found their marks. "Not this," he said, voice almost inaudible. "Never this. I don't know what happened."

There was another boom and Fubuki's head whipped around to see Gamu starting up again, pointing at the shrine with his finger starting to glow.

"Gamu, no!" he shouted, breaking into a run and tackling his teammate to the ground before he could get the energy bolt off. "You have to stop," he told his friend. "Come on, Gamu, knock it off already."

"You don't understand, Fubuki-san," Gamu replied, struggling to free himself. "There's so much to learn now that I can do this. I have to find the limits."

"You don't--" Fubuki broke off abruptly as Kajio grabbed hold of his jacket and hauled him backwards and off Gamu.

"Let go of him," he hissed, stepping between Fubuki and his brainwashed teammate. "He's not yours anymore, EYES. _I'll_ fix this, it's nothing to do with you."

"Yeah, because you're doing a real great job of it so far," Fubuki retorted, getting to his feet and readying himself for the upcoming fight. "I think it should be you who doesn't have anything to do with Gamu anymore," he added, twisting the knife as Kajio's eyes narrowed, the other man also sliding into a 'ready' stance. "All you do is make things worse for him, right? Just look at your handiwork over there."

Fury flashed across Kajio's face, fury laced with guilt and it wasn't exactly a surprise that Nova's host chose that moment to lash out; the only surprise was that he aimed low instead of taking a swing at his face like he probably wanted to. Fubuki rolled as Kajio swept his legs out from under him, coming back up on the defensive as blow after blow rained down on him. If Kajio lacked the higher education he would apparently have benefitted from, he had certainly done well for himself in terms of martial arts training instead. His ability couldn't all come from Nova after all, the reflexes were far too ingrained for them to be so recent. 

Just behind Kajio he could see Gamu getting to his feet again and he ducked under Kajio's arm, breaking away from the battle he sprinted in Gamu's direction, tackling him down once again. "Not gonna let you do it, Gamu," he told him, hoping to disable his teammate before Kajio reached him. That hope proved futile, however, as Kajio hauled him off again. Fortunate for Fubuki, though, was the sudden appearance of Cosmos in human size, emerging from the trees Gamu had thrown Musashi through.

" _No,_ " Kajio growled, shoving Fubuki aside and planting himself between Gamu and Cosmos. "You're not taking him away from me."

What followed was a conversation that had to be happening on two different levels because Fubuki could only hear Kajio's side of it. Nova's host broke off suddenly as Gamu pushed him aside, facing Cosmos squarely, hand glowing as he took aim at Cosmos.

"Gamu, no," Kajio said, reaching out in an attempt to block Gamu's attack. "You don't need to concern yourself with this."

"I want to, though," Gamu replied. "I won't let you face him on your own, Katsumi. Besides," he added with a bright, cheerful smile. "It'll be a fun experiment, seeing how Cosmos will react."

Kajio's expression tightened and he turned to face Gamu fully, putting his hands on Gamu's shoulders. "Thank you," he said carefully. "But this isn't your fight. I can handle this."

Gamu's cheerful smile vanished and his face went hard and grim, an expression Fubuki had never seen on his teammate's face before. "Don't get in my way," he said softly and Kajio lurched backwards as if Gamu had physically punched him in the gut. The tension in the air was thick enough that it could probably be cut with a knife as Gamu and Kajio stared at each other and it lasted until Fubuki grabbed Kajio's shoulder and yanked him back, wrapping his arms around him and keeping Kajio's arms pinned at his sides.

"Come on," he hissed. "Let Cosmos heal him. You know he's not supposed to be like this."

The moment Kajio was no longer in his line of sight Gamu had focused his attention on Cosmos again and now he launched himself forward, the dark, creeping energy of the Chaos Head virus curling around him like a mist.

" _Gamu!_ " Kajio yelled after him, pain twisting his face. "Gamu, _stop it_. Let go of me, EYES, I can stop this."

"Maybe this time you could," Fubuki agreed, not relenting as Kajio tried to free himself. "But what about the next time or the time after that? He's not going to get better, Kajio, he's only going to get worse the longer this goes on. He doesn't have Ultraman protecting him like you do." Because that had to be the reason Kajio wasn't completely out of control the way Gamu was, something about Nova was keeping the virus in check in his human host, something that Gamu didn't have. "Come on, Kajio, what's more important to you?" he demanded. "Gamu being with you and completely out of his mind like this? Or Gamu healed and back to himself, even if that means he's not with you?"

 _Come on_ , he urged silently. _Prove you're not the self centred jerk of a boyfriend you've been acting like._ If Kajio wanted what was best for Gamu, even at the expense of the pain it would cause him, then maybe he was redeemable after all. _Come on,_ he thought again, taking in the struggle on the other man's face. _Come on, Kajio, prove you can still be a decent human being._

As if Kajio had heard him he stopped struggling, pain written all over his face as he did so and Fubuki let out a soft sigh of relief. Today was the first time he'd seen the person beneath the mask of Nova and that person could still be saved. It might make fighting Kajio and Nova harder for now but it was a goal they could work towards along with finding a way to get rid of the Chaos Head virus once and for all.

Gamu screamed as Cosmos's healing light enveloped him and Kajio lurched forward again.

"Let it happen," Fubuki told him, holding on tightly. "Gamu needs this."

"He's _hurting_ him. It's not supposed to hurt."

Fubuki bit his lip and just held on, but he couldn't help agreeing with Kajio on that one thing. None of the monsters Cosmos had healed before had ever seemed to be in pain from the healing energy Cosmos used, so why was it affecting Gamu so badly? The colour timer on Cosmos's chest was flickering red now, a sign of the effort it was taking out of Cosmos to do this and that couldn't be good.

The light disappeared and Gamu went quiet, collapsing to the floor where he landed in an ungainly huddle. He let go as Kajio lurched forward again, watching warily as he crouched at Gamu's side, checking his pulse before doing anything else. He relaxed as Kajio's shoulders slumped in relief: Gamu was physically okay, at least.

Kajio reached out a hand to stroke Gamu's hair gently and Fubuki immediately felt uncomfortable: this was a private moment, one he didn't have any right to intrude on. Just as he was about to look away, however, Gamu's eyes flickered open and he smiled blearily.

"Katsumi," he said, looking up at his boyfriend sleepily as Kajio maneouvred him gently up onto his lap.

"Hey, Gamu," Kajio replied, returning to stroking Gamu's hair once he was satisfied that Gamu was comfortable. "Feeling better?"

"Much," Gamu agreed, stifling a yawn. "What happened?"

"Long story," he said. "I'll let your teammate fill you in." He paused for a moment, his fingers going still in Gamu's hair and Fubuki frowned, not sure that he wanted to know where this was going. "I won't be seeing you for a while, Gamu, so don't come looking for me, okay?"

"What? But... why?" Gamu looked confused, _upset_ and confused, and Fubuki groaned inwardly. He knew what Kajio was doing now but this was going to hurt Gamu a lot. "I don't understand."

"I'm not good to be around you right now," Kajio told him, resuming his petting of Gamu's hair. "Everything you just went through was because of me, because of what I did to you. I need to stay away from you for a while. I'm sorry, Gamu."

"I can help," Gamu insisted, struggling to sit up before Kajio pushed him gently back down.

"Not around me, you can't," he replied. "I think we just proved that doesn't work."

He broke off suddenly as light surrounded him and Fubuki whipped his head around to find Cosmos in Eclipse mode, directing his healing at Kajio this time. The colour timer was flickering even more but the energy beam continued unrelentingly. Hope bubbled up in Fubuki's chest at the sight: were they going to free Nova as well as getting Gamu back? It hardly seemed possible. The flickering lights of the Chaos Head virus shimmered in the air as they were pushed out of Kajio by Cosmos's energy and Fubuki clenched his fists tightly as he watched, anticipation making his heart beat faster.

_Come on, come on. You can do it, come on._

The hope died, however, as the dark, mist like tendrils of Nova's power broke through the light of Cosmos's healing, the beam of energy sputtering and dying as the light returned to Kajio's body. Well, the light that hadn't already evaporated, anyway. "Don't try that again," Kajio said grimly, his eyes now containing the lights of the Chaos Head virus and Fubuki cursed under his breath. Damn it, they'd been so _close_.

Kajio got to his feet, easing Gamu off his lap carefully so he clearly wasn't _too_ far gone back to the dark side and when he directed that unnerving attention on him, Fubuki was relieved to see Kajio's eyes had returned to their previous solid brown. "You look after him," Kajio told him, glancing down at Gamu briefly. "And don't let him come looking for me."

"I can try," he shrugged. "But Gamu's pretty creative."

Kajio's mouth quirked upwards in a brief, rueful smile. "Yeah, I know. Try anyway."

"Will do."

He moved to kneel next to Gamu, pointedly not paying attention to either Kajio or Cosmos leaving. If Musashi wasn't ready to admit the truth yet then he wasn't going to drag it out of him when it wasn't necessary.

"Katsumi, _no,_ " Gamu protested, trying to go after him and Fubuki found himself holding his teammate in place once again.

"Let him go," he said quietly as Gamu struggled against him. "We'll have another shot at healing him, we just have to wait for it."

Because at least now they knew Kajio was as responsive to Cosmos's healing as anyone else and if Cosmos could get to him while he was still fully or mostly powered, then maybe Kajio Katsumi and Ultraman Nova could still be saved.


	4. Liberation

For the first time since he'd been taken by the Chaos Head virus, Katsumi felt as if his head was clear, that he was himself again.

 _Katsumi._ The voice whispered in his mind, sounding both tired and unsure of its reception. _I'm sorry. This is not how a bonding should go. I brought harm to you when I chose you when I should only have brought strength. I'm sorry._

He shook his head and pushed himself slowly to his feet. "Not your fault, Nova," he said, glad there was no one else around. "You didn't ask to get hit by that virus. Besides, I would've got hurt one way or another anyway, right? Just by fighting with you."

Nova was silent and he smiled faintly, taking the silence as proof that he was right.

"Oooiiii! Kajio!" 

He recognised that voice, Gamu's pissy teammate. What was his name again? Oh, right, Fubuki. He hesitated, then moved to somewhere less conspicuous. While he could blame much of the antagonism he had with Fubuki on the influence of the Chaos Head virus that didn't mean he was about to play friendly with the guy and there was no way to know if he could trust him, him or the SRC he was part of.

"Kajio-san! You around here?"

Haruno liked him, though, and that was one thing that was impossible to argue with. Haruno liked him and Cosmos's host was someone he thought he might be able to trust. He'd helped both him and Nova shake off the Chaos Head virus, after all.

"Katsumi!"

Katsumi froze, his heart clenching convulsively in his chest. Gamu. He was close, too, closer than Fubuki or Haruno were.

"Katsumi! Where are you?"

He hesitated, torn between wanting to go to Gamu, hold onto him for dear life and to run from him and all the terrible things he'd done to him while the virus was controlling him.

_"Katsumi!"_

He hated the pain he could hear in Gamu's voice, the sound of hope fading and that was more than he could take. He stepped out of hiding as Gamu passed, Gamu already turning as he noticed the movement. "Hey, Gamu."

"Katsumi," he breathed, reaching for him automatically before he hesitated, wariness warring with caution before he could actually connect. 

Katsumi felt his mouth twitch upwards in a rueful smile, trying to ignore how much that hurt. Gamu had learned that lesson well, even if the learning process had been hard.

"Just me," he said lightly, sticking his hands in his pockets to stop himself reaching out and holding on tight. "Well, and Nova. But no virus."

"The virus is gone?" Gamu sounded so hopeful, his need to believe overpowering his caution. A couple of hours ago he'd have taken advantage of that without a second thought.

"Yeah," he replied, his voice catching in his throat. "It's gone."

Gamu's face lit up and he flung himself forward at him. Katsumi just managed to catch him before Gamu sent them both tumbling to the ground, and even with all the best intentions in the world he couldn't stop himself clinging to his boyfriend. He wanted to hold on forever, to run his fingers through Gamu's hair, to kiss him without remembering how he'd used all of those things against him, to make him just like him only without Nova to limit the damage the Chaos Head virus could wreak on his psyche.

"I'm sorry," he whispered into Gamu's hair, fingers clutching tightly to Gamu's SRC jacket. "I really fucked you over, didn't I?"

Gamu kissed the side of his neck, the easiest part of him to reach, his fingers brushing up over Katsumi's face. "It wasn't your fault," he told him, repeating his own reassurances to Nova. "You weren't in control of yourself."

He wished he could be so sure of that. It was easy to look back at some of the things he'd done and know how much of himself had gone into it. They may not have been things he would have done without the virus manipulating his thoughts but he recognised himself in how he'd gone about things. Most of them, anyway. He didn't like to think he could ever manipulate Gamu by using their relationship against him, that he could force his attentions onto him, knowing that Gamu would get caught up in it.

"It wasn't your fault," Gamu said again, not loosening his hold. "It wasn't."

"Gamu..."

"Come back with me," Gamu interrupted, pulling back enough to meet his eyes. "I don't care what you decide to do afterwards, I'll back you on whatever that is, but come back with me, Katsumi. Don't disappear again. Please."

He laughed tiredly, pulling Gamu back into the hug. "And what happens when the Defence Forces find me?" he asked, under no illusions about what would happen when they did.

"This isn't their jurisdiction," Gamu said stubbornly. "This is SRC business and that means EYES. Nobody on the team would hurt you."

Katsumi closed his eyes and just held on. He was under no illusions that EYES could protect him against the full might of the Defence Forces, even if Gamu believed they could.

"Come back with me," Gamu said again. "Please, Katsumi."

"Gamu--"

"Nova would be a big asset," Gamu said quickly. "Not even the Defence Forces would turn down the chance to have Nova fighting on our side. Or not fighting, not if you don't want to, but just not fighting against us anymore."

"You're too idealistic, you know."

"Tell us something we don't know." That was Fubuki and Katsumi was on his feet in a moment, automatically putting himself between Gamu and his teammate, every instinct readying for a fight. Then he realised what he was doing and felt like an idiot, forcing himself to relax as both Fubuki and Haruno had gone tense. They weren't his enemy, not anymore, and they were Gamu's friends; the last thing he wanted to do was make this harder than it would be already.

"Stop being stupid," Gamu muttered, catching hold of his elbow and tugging him back. "They're not--"

"I _know_ ," he hissed back. "It just happened." Gamu gave him an unimpressed look and he glowered right back. "Look," he said tightly, "I've got a good few months worth of reflexes based on them being my enemies, that's not just going to go away just like that, it's gonna take some time. Okay?"

"All the more reason you should come back with me," Gamu pointed out. "You'll get over it faster if you're exposed to them more, won't you?"

"Hey!" Fubuki protested. "We're right here, you know. Don't make us sound like some kind of virus. We--" He shut up abruptly as both Katsumi and Gamu flinched. "Sorry," he muttered, Haruno patting him on the shoulder in commiseration. Fubuki sighed and shoved his hand away though Haruno just grinned and sprawled all over his shoulder instead. Seeing that hurt, it reminded him too much of Gamu and himself.

Gamu didn't say anything and Katsumi didn't need to look at him to know what expression would be on his face, he knew already.

"Alright, _fine_ ," he snapped. "I'll come back with you. But when the Defence Forces start clamping down don't say I didn't warn you."

Gamu just grinned at him, hugging him tight for one brief moment, then grabbed his hand and started tugging him along. "They can try," he said airily. "We'll be ready for them."


End file.
